Jesus isn't asking us to literally despise our families or ourselves. Instead, he's using the strongest possible language to emphasize that our love for him must be so absolute that it reorders all other loves, even the most natural ones, to take a subordinate place. This "hatred" is a radical prioritization, meaning we must be willing to set aside even our own lives if they conflict with following Christ.
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
English Standard Version (ESV)
Jesus is speaking to a large crowd that is following him, many of them drawn by the miracles they've seen. He turns to address them directly, introducing a challenging qualification for true discipleship. Immediately following this, he will further elaborate on this cost by likening it to counting the expenses of building a tower or going to war.
Jesus uses a shocking word here: 'hate.' What could He possibly mean by demanding we 'hate' our closest loved ones?
When Jesus says we must 'hate' our father, mother, wife, children, and even our own life, He's not commanding genuine malice. Instead, He uses hyperbole to express a profound truth about prioritizing Him above all else.
A Hierarchy of Love
Think of it like this: if you truly love someone, you wouldn't want them to stand between you and something infinitely better. Jesus is establishing a clear hierarchy of love and loyalty. Every other relationship, and even our own self-preservation, must rank below our love and devotion to Him.
The Comparative Meaning
Commentators often point out that 'hate' here means to love less. If our love for family or ourselves is so strong that it pulls us away from following Christ, then in that specific context, we must actively reject that pull, almost as if we 'hate' it. This isn't about disowning family, but about ensuring no earthly tie ever supersedes our commitment to Jesus.
Jesus doesn't sugarcoat what it means to follow Him. He's inviting us to a serious commitment, not a casual hobby.
The call to discipleship is not light. Jesus uses the analogy of building a tower or going to war to illustrate that following Him requires careful consideration and a willingness to pay the price.
The Builder's Calculation
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Imagine starting to build a house but running out of materials halfway through. It's embarrassing and wasteful! Jesus is saying that before you commit to following Him, you need to 'sit down and count the cost.' What are you willing to give up? What sacrifices might be required?
The Warrior's Assessment
Similarly, going into battle without assessing your strength against the enemy's is foolish. Jesus wants us to understand that the path of discipleship involves conflict – spiritual battles, potential persecution, and the need to surrender our own plans and desires.
This isn't to discourage us, but to ensure our commitment is intentional and resilient, not based on wishful thinking.
Understand the original words
mathētēs · Greek Noun
In a biblical context, this refers to the active state of following Jesus, adhering to His teachings, and undergoing transformation into His likeness. It involves total commitment and allegiance to Christ above all other relationships or earthly pursuits.
miseō · Greek Verb
In this context, it is a Semitic idiom denoting a strong preference or priority rather than literal malice. It signifies that one's devotion to God must be so supreme that all other loves appear as hatred by comparison.
psychē · Greek Noun
Refers to the physical body and the temporal, earthly life. Biblically, it encompasses one's self-preservation instincts, personal desires, and the natural life that must be surrendered to experience true spiritual life in Christ.
stauros · Greek Noun
A Roman instrument of execution, signifying death to self, public shame, and the willingness to endure suffering for the sake of faithfulness to God. It represents total surrender to the lordship of Christ and the renunciation of one's own will.
This passage offers a parallel, clarifying that 'hating' in Luke's account means loving less in comparison to Christ, highlighting the supreme priority Jesus must hold in a disciple's life.
Philippians 3:7-8Paul's testimony here echoes the radical re-evaluation of all things as 'loss' for the surpassing worth of knowing Christ, which aligns with the 'hating' of even one's own life required for discipleship.
John 12:25Jesus' statement about hating one's life in this world to keep it for eternal life provides a direct conceptual link, showing that the 'hatred' is a means to a greater gain in Christ.
Deuteronomy 13:6-9This Old Testament passage speaks to the extreme loyalty required even to the point of turning away from beloved family members if they lead one astray from God, providing an ancient precedent for prioritizing divine commands over natural affections.
calvinLuke 14:25-32: "And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them,"
- He who loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38. And he who doth not take his cross and follow me, [603] is not worthy of me. 39. He who findeth his life [604] shall lose it; and he who loseth his life for my sake shall find it. [605] 40. He who receiveth you receiveth me: and he who receiveth me receiveth him w…
jfbLuke 14:26: "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple."
26, 27. If any man, &c.—(See on [1671]Mt 10:34-36, and Mr 8:34, 35).
Jesus isn't asking us to literally despise our families or ourselves. Instead, he's using the strongest possible language to emphasize that our love for him must be so absolute that it reorders all other loves, even the most natural ones, to take a subordinate place. This "hatred" is a radical prioritization, meaning we must be willing to set aside even our own lives if they conflict with following Christ.
Jesus is speaking to a large crowd that is following him, many of them drawn by the miracles they've seen. He turns to address them directly, introducing a challenging qualification for true discipleship. Immediately following this, he will further elaborate on this cost by likening it to counting the expenses of building a tower or going to war.
Jesus is speaking to a large crowd that is following him, many of them drawn by the miracles they've seen. He turns to address them directly, introducing a challenging qualification for true discipleship. Immediately following this, he will further elaborate on this cost by likening it to counting the expenses of building a tower or going to war.
"“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my dis…" — Jesus isn't asking us to literally despise our families or ourselves. Instead, he's using the strongest possible language to emphasize that our love for him must be so absolute that it reorders all…
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Last reviewed October 2026
