Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
English Standard Version (ESV)
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Colossians 3:19
What does Colossians 3:19 mean?
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Colossians 3:19
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The command "do not be bitter" isn't just about avoiding outright anger; it warns against a gradual, internal hardening and exasperation towards your wife. This subtle bitterness, often masked by outward politeness, corrodes love from the inside out, and Paul reserves this specific word to highlight its destructive potential within marriage.
Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
English Standard Version (ESV)
This verse is part of a larger section (Colossians 3:18-25) where Paul lays out practical instructions for household relationships within the Christian community. He’s just spoken to wives about submitting to their husbands, and now he turns directly to husbands, addressing their responsibilities to their wives, which sets the stage for further duties to children and servants.
The Bible doesn't just tell husbands to love their wives; it calls for a specific kind of love. What makes this divine command so unique?
The instruction for husbands to 'love your wives' in Colossians 3:19 isn't just a general suggestion. It uses a word that, in its New Testament context, carries a profound depth and quality of love. This isn't simply romantic affection, but a sacrificial, Christ-like devotion. It’s a love that is self-giving, committed, and rooted in the understanding of God's own love for us.
This divine model of love is further illuminated in Ephesians, where husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church—a love that led Him to lay down His life. This points to a love that is intentional, active, and willing to prioritize the spouse's well-being above one's own.
Harshness can creep into relationships unnoticed. What does the Bible warn us about, and why is it so destructive?
The second part of Colossians 3:19 is a strong warning: 'do not be harsh with them.' This isn't just about avoiding outright yelling or insults. The original language suggests a deeper, more insidious issue: a heart that becomes embittered, resentful, or spitefully cross.
This bitterness can manifest as constant irritability, unspoken anger, or a critical spirit that chips away at a spouse's spirit. It's the opposite of the deep love commanded, creating an atmosphere of conflict rather than peace. When bitterness takes root, love struggles to survive, turning a home into a place of misery. This is why Paul urges husbands to actively guard against letting their hearts grow sour towards their wives.
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agapate · Greek Verb
A selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional commitment to the well-being and benefit of another, characterized by the pattern of Christ's love for the church.
pikrainesthe · Greek Verb
Describes being bitter, irritable, or unnecessarily severe in demeanor or treatment; in marriage, it stands in direct opposition to the Christ-like love commanded of husbands.
This passage provides a foundational principle by commanding husbands to love their wives sacrificially, mirroring Christ's love for the Church, which directly informs the 'love your wives' command in Colossians.
1 Peter 3:7This verse directly addresses husbands, urging them to live with their wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker partner and heir with them, reinforcing the call to considerate love and avoiding harshness.
Genesis 2:18This foundational text speaks of God creating a 'helper fit' for man, establishing the partnership and interdependence that undergirds the marital relationship, reminding us that the love called for is for a partner, not a subordinate to be treated harshly.
Proverbs 12:18This proverb starkly contrasts the words of the reckless and the wise, highlighting how harsh or bitter words can wound deeply, directly echoing the injunction in Colossians not to be harsh or bitter towards one's wife.
henryColossians 3:18-25: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord."
3:18-25 The epistles most taken up in displaying the glory of the Divine grace, and magnifying the Lord Jesus, are the most particular in pressing the duties of the Christian life. We must never separate the privileges and duties of the gospel. Submission is the duty of wives. But it is submission, not to a severe lord or stern tyrant, but to her own husband, who is engaged to affectionate duty. And…
barnesColossians 3:19: "Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them."
Husbands, love your wives ... - Notes, Ephesians 4:25-29 .
The command "do not be bitter" isn't just about avoiding outright anger; it warns against a gradual, internal hardening and exasperation towards your wife. This subtle bitterness, often masked by outward politeness, corrodes love from the inside out, and Paul reserves this specific word to highlight its destructive potential within marriage.
This verse is part of a larger section (Colossians 3:18-25) where Paul lays out practical instructions for household relationships within the Christian community. He’s just spoken to wives about submitting to their husbands, and now he turns directly to husbands, addressing their responsibilities to their wives, which sets the stage for further duties to children and servants.
This verse is part of a larger section (Colossians 3:18-25) where Paul lays out practical instructions for household relationships within the Christian community. He’s just spoken to wives about submitting to their husbands, and now he turns directly to husbands, addressing their responsibilities to their wives, which sets the stage for further duties to children and servants.
"Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them." — The command "do not be bitter" isn't just about avoiding outright anger; it warns against a gradual, internal hardening and exasperation towards your wife. This subtle bitterness, often masked by out…
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Last reviewed October 2026